Updated: Jan 24
The following is a list of things that are genuinely okay, even though most of us are brought up in a culture to think otherwise.
There's a profound truth here: When we make any of the following things here to be NOT okay, then this has the effect of fixing them more firmly in our lives. They become trickier, stickier problems for us. They hound us and irritate us more.
Therefore when we drop this needless antagonism and let these things be okay, the problematic nature of them can dissolve. This removes the friction and introduces a deeper layer of flow into our lives.
You'll see exactly what I mean.
So please read the following list of things that are truly okay, and see if you can internally switch the status from "not okay" to "okay" and see what happens as a result.
(See that guy? That's you!)
It's okay if you're struggling with self-control. Getting your habits under control is one of the most difficult things a human can do. All of us were raised to follow instructions, orders, and rules that were given to us by others (i.e. parents, teachers). We weren't taught how to make and follow our own rules. It's tough, and it takes time to figure it out.
It's okay not to like certain activities. If you're trying to get yourself to work out, eat well, stop smoking, study more work more - it's okay if you really dislike these things, if you hate them. Maybe you hate doing them, or how they feel, or you resent this heavy sense of "have to" about it. It's always like that in the beginning.
It's okay to struggle with doubt and disappointment. When things are getting difficult and if we fail to meet some goals that we set for ourselves, we're certainly going to run into doubt and disappointment. This is totally fine. It happens and is par for the course. There's nothing wrong with it, and nothing wrong with you.
It's okay that your life now isn't the way you envisioned it to be. It doesn't mean that you've failed, or that you're not trying hard enough. It doesn't mean that "everyone knows something that you don't". It doesn't mean you're wasting your time.
It's okay to feel envious of other people. Obviously we all know it's better (i.e. preferable) not to feel envy. But sometimes we look at other people who have created more success in their lives and we feel envy anyway. That's alright. You won't feel this way forever. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you.
It's okay to not know what you're doing - to not know what to do. This is just a temporary thing. You'll figure it out. If you're trying really hard to figure it out, then chances are that you're overcomplicating it. Give yourself permission to not know for a little while, and just float in the unknowing. See where that leads you.
It's okay to fail. Honestly! Trying and failing is such an excellent event. It doesn't matter what the reason is for the failure, or how badly we failed. Ideally we want to try and fail the way a bicyclist pedals a bike forward. Trying and failing becomes the engine that drives us forward through experience and learning.
It's okay to not care. You may find that you go back and forth between caring and not caring about your goals. This is totally natural. When you feel like you don't care about your goals, be sure to explore these feelings in order to uncover some of your deeper motivations in life. You can harmonize these with your more "shallow" goals.
Remember, we're talking about things as they already are.
You're already envious, confused, deflated or whatever else. It's already the case. Therefore taking an antagonistic stance against it won't improve anything, it'll just generate needless suffering. Only through allowing these things to be okay can you find a mature and effective method for improving the situation.
Again, there's no need to believe me; try it out for yourself!