Updated: Apr 22
I've been thinking a lot lately about what it's like to have a healthy self-esteem, how to feel confident and great about yourself - and what's the difference between that and putting out a false, pretentious vibe to the world.
If we can learn the difference and really come to understand it, then we can learn to identify either characteristic in ourselves and others. This would help us mightily in our journey to embody greater authentic confidence.
To that end, I've found 3 ways that you can tell the difference. Hopefully this can help you give yourself permission to respect and appreciate yourself more:
A) Arrogance is about comparisons; Confidence is about uniqueness
In arrogance, we talk about our value relative to everyone else. We look for ways that we're better than others. We feel good when we're around people we feel that we're "above" and shitty when we're around people we're "below".
In confidence, our value is absolute in that it's simply baked into our existence. There can't be any more or less of it. It just is. Like a tree that you might find in a forest somewhere - it's just simply valuable because it's there. You, me, and everything has its own unique value that evolves and articulates over time.
B) Arrogance is a covert request for love; Confidence freely gives love to itself.
In arrogance, we've given away our authority to others to affirm and validate us. In this thinking, I need to manipulate YOU into thinking that I'm cool, so that you'll think I'm cool. Once you think I'm cool, THEN I can finally believe that I am, because YOU think I am. This is out-sourced authority.
In confidence, we've reclaimed our authority to affirm and validate ourselves. So I choose what descriptors I use for myself and I claim my authority to call myself these things, because no one has any more authority than I. I affirm my value to myself - I say "I am of absolute value and importance." I say "I am wonderful, I am masterful, I am talented, I am creative."
C) Arrogance is in competition with everyone; Confidence focuses on harmony.
In arrogance, we're in competition with everyone. We're always on edge, always threatened, always sizing ourselves up against other people.
In confidence, our sense of value and worth is so stable and deeply held that it becomes easy and natural to recognize the value and excellence in others and even to point it out to them, to help them along their journeys into self-secure confidence. There's an intrinsic knowing that the world is made better every time a person learns to discover and root into their own value.
Hope this helps!
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